i think the thing's that causing some distance me between my big daddy and me is that grudge-like thingy i'm holding against her, can't explain why i just... wanna ignore her. it's a contradictory feeling. all started innocently with a very typically her action/remark/behaviour that somehow was the start of my out-of-sortness.. which would have been alright i feel had she not just gone ahead and filled her cup with room temp water and heated it in the microwave oven when i had already said there WAS hot water in the vacuum flask and was prepared to help her with that sometimes temperamental thing, but. she proceeded as if i didn't exist.

anyway, my mum just announced a 'good news' a while ago - my uncle's giving us a treat at Long Beach restaurant this sat.. i dunno if it really is good news though for me. after all, after that sinfully yummy dinner there last thurs night... i lapsed into a sinfully-unhealthy snacking mode over the weekend which lingered on and resurrected itself on mon night despite my resolution to eat right.

really, gets me so tired and upset with myself. my life this past few weeks has revolved around arranging my time to gym as much as possible. like, everyday if possible. WOW u must be thinking, cant be i gym so much and no effect right. but yeah. i waste all my efforts each time gluttony kicks in and after a few weeks of continuous gyming.. i'm tired/sian. but what can i do? it's a very real issue to me that my meal portions are bigger (meaning greater appetite) than the average female's. so while having to gym furiously, each day i'll be trying to plan my meal, thinking - so how much should/can i eat today? what to eat, at what time so that i eat as little as possible (by my own standards) and have enough energy to last me thru the day...

Sorry for boring you with these ramblings on the same topic as usual. :X