28 Sept 2007

i miss them a lot, suddenly, these days. maybe it's the rushing through of letters last night. as i wrote, it made me think - when would i get to see them again, if ever? and just now i thought to myself, why are they special and different from the other groups of people in my life? the answer i've arrived at for now is that towards them, i give so much less comparatively, yet ther response (if it is to be totally believed ) is unproportionately more... the brackets indicate some sense of cynicism in me i guess, the usual jadedness in an avergae person, because it seems somewhat unbelievable to me that they can miss me as much as they claim to in letters or in person. ok actually, that was in reference to 1 specific letter la.. cos it was very unexpectedly touching considering i never thought i was missed all along that much to that person as claimed in the letter. lol. and the human insecure side of me (i suppose) worries that i may eventually at some point care for them more than they care for me.

aiyah. a couple of jumbled up thoughts regarding all this in me which i find it difficult to isolate and sort out nicely to express out here in words. let's just leave it at this - i miss them.

maybe it's cos it's nice to be loved?

the other thing is, will these feelings interfere with the real reason as to why i should be going back. or perhaps these 2 are intricately linked (at least for me)
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heart pain ah! my boyboy has neverending torrents of work to do, things to study, essays to write... so xin ku lor. really 不好玩 one. must sayang him more. he's soooo cute though. hehe.

rachel is cute too. she's so playful! so funny and really entertaining in her own way. the things she laughs at. hurhur. :)

shuling was in a denim skirt tonight!!!! wah blue moon lor. shushu looks nice in a skirt lor, should really wear skirt more often :) oh yes, she's cute too. :P

my cousin is cute as well! she's one of a kind. wonder how she and josie are doing over there with each other for company. birds of the same feather flock together. i'm sure it'll be an interesting experience for both of them :P

Blessed 28th birthday, Minmin! :)

let me rant..

about the silly unbearable disgustingly HOT and HUMID weather in the day... i prefer the night time anytime man. or please, send more clouds to block the sun... more wind too... the heat makes me too grouchy to do anything la! i just sit and fidgit and scratch and blergh

about growing older and more forgetful and more passive (LAZY) and taking less initiative! i forgot my mei's birthday. and my mei's mei as well. kexian and keying who are 20 and 19 respectively, whom i got to know in St Andrew's Cathedral which i attended when i was in jc... hais. i feel so... lousy big sister that i am. why have i become so lazy??? it just struck me that her birthday was yest, cocincidentally she shares the same bday as fang... the day which i spent the bulk of my time doing fang's card. and i dont take the initiative to ask pple out already mostly. somehow just bumming around mostly... bad steward of my time...

about all the things i should be doing and wanted to do and planned to do during the hols which seem to be slipping away faster then i imagined. i should get down to writing letters to my xiangbi kids and sorting out the photos to print for them! but its the stupid heat la, gets me too flustered and uncomfortable to do anything. excuses excuses... all the books that i should be reading... bible... school text.. all the things i should be sorting out and organizing.. my room... my wardrobe! i just keep procrastinating cos i dont feel like doing! lazy bag of bones la.

actually, i am quite anti-social. oops...

too passive and inert these days. hmm... i need activation energy!

a normal day it was, but suddenly a tinge of sadness seeped in, from i dont know where... lol.

maybe it's a combination of things. like Rach's daddy. and Wai's leaving. and... a jumbled up lonely-missing-people feeling. haha.

i owe pple lots of photos. again. hahaha. soon... soon...

tomorrow will be a better day. i will run to Him, not away! (now it's just a matter of when i will start moving my heavy legs)