I don't know

I dunno if I should sign. scared.undecided. In a way, if only it was already over and done with then I dun have to agonise over it now.. I really dunno how...i can't believe it's tmr.. Having more thoughts of not signing but worried what kind of impression I'll leave.. Then I would have deprived someone else of a chance.. And why now then decide not to sign at the last min.. It's all cos of how crappy and lousy I feel these days.. Or is it? Am I always gonna be like this.. What should I do.. If only I could hear God's voice clearly on this. I dunno which is my voice and which is his.

Can't fall asleep... I dun want tomorrow to come.. Each day just goes by.. Me and my defeated lifestyle..

God is always in control... The takeaway from bible study fellowship. Now how do I apply that to this situation...

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Runaways from school... Off to play on mid autumn day :) a new experience, first time really hanging out with old acquaintances/new friends :)

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Ranting

The amount I eat scares me. How can I possibly be such a bottomless pit?! Project meeting today ended too late for me to grab dinner at golden rooster @ coro.. The place was closing when I reached. Ah well, dunno whether it's a good our bad thing.

Bad bad habit, after a while day of school/meetings I'll just go home and slack, although the meetings may not have been the most productive, or rather, though I may not have contributed much.. WCL!!! Y LIKE THAT...

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感叹

不喜欢这样的我,不喜欢脆弱的我。经常毫无主张,毫无主意。不该做的全都做,该做的却偏偏不做。得到的结果,只能怪、怨自己。以前的我,是否一直以来都这样?还是我变了…

不愿继续这样下去。神,求你帮助我,赐我改过的力量。让我在你里面得胜。

Lyrics of an old song came to me the other day...
"Victory I have in Jesus Christ,forgiveness, for he was crucified.
Wholeness in every part of me,
Deliverance, his blood has set me free.
I'm reigning with Christ upon the throne, and conquering over Satan's power below. Living with Christ, the King and Lord of Lords!"

I dun have many friends, but I'm grateful for those I have. They are my stars in the dark night sky. N baobao is my moon :) family is.. The house/home/shelter. Haha.

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Musings

It's weird how I dun blog when I have the laptop and it's so much easier to type but choose to blog using hp instead. Nothing better to do while travelling?

Sat yesterday was linda like bliss, and sun today is reality setting in. back to school tmr, and no more back up time to do undone work.

Battles within myself, or rather in my mind.. Lord I ask for grace to emerge victorious over default negative defeatist insecure mindsets.

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Irritated...

Hais okay what a negative heading. But it's quite irritating when you wanna but something and they tell you come back in 8 mins, then when you come back in 15 mins it's still not ready, and they say 15 more mins.. Wun be able to reach bb's house by 12 at this rate (wanted to reach by eleven... Sigh). All because I had the idea of buying bubble tea over.. And the stall is open but the pearls are not ready... Maybe if I had known must wait so long I'd have gone home already... Dun even know if they in the mood or feel like having bubble tea. Guess I'm just irritated with myself la mostly.

This morn, I reluctantly dragged myself awake and took more than 3 hours to complete one simple piece of work. Which all my friends have probably done by this time. This CANNOT continue... It's quite crazy to take such a long time just for one simple piece of work. At this rate..
I'll end up ' killing' myself by the end of the semester!

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Love hate relationship with buses

I get to sit but its a sort long ride... Which is good if I am exhausted to the point of sleeping.. But if want to do work or even play with hp (like now) stomach will feel queasy.

Feels like I keep wasting time... Then next week all the datelines will stay looming at one short and I'll be all stressed out again :X I know I shouldn't be thinking like that but.. I seem to have a default mentality that I do work very slowly. Wish I could be like jojo who's so organised independent and on to of all the work. How come I manage myself/my time so lousily? Sigh. I dun want to be like this, so help me Lord..
Am thankful though. Got back the essays that I was so tortured over, and which I did at an incredibly slow and agonizing rate, producing 1 paragraph in like 2-3 hours.. Madness.. But yes considering how stressed I was then and my wonky frame of mind, am just very grateful for the grades I got. Thank you Father... :) please help me to not dwell in negative defeatist thoughts

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Money money money....

just bought netbook... After months and months of thinking how nice it would be to have one, I finally went and got one. A samsung one. Haha,a lot of affinity with samsung this month eh, what with first the new samsung hp and now this. Hoping it'll will really be as useful and convenient as I am assuming it will be so that it's really worth the money spent. Actually been wanting to get a leave-at-home external hard disk drive too to double back up certain things, cos I realise all my photos take up a lot of space in the current fujitsu lappy and the existing portable hard disk drive. Saw a 1.5TB buffalo one just now at funan, $159. Was seriously considering getting it, but that would make two expensive purchases in one day so.. Guess I'll kiv it...

Saw one of my fave kids and his mum and sis today, happy! Haven't seen him in so long.. They were going to makan place for breakfast haha. Special exception I'm guessing as it's his first day back to school after a long break. Asked him what he's going to eat and he replied "Milo and bread!" And he obliged my request for a kiss too ;) man, really miss him and all the other kids too...

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Experimenting with the new hp :D

Woohoo! Now I can blog from my hp.. Quite cool :) haven't blogged in quite a while though there were times I felt like blogging... Guess the laziness in me is too great. Now into the second week of school after the one week break.awesome break man... Had just the right balance of social activities and nua-ing alone at home, catching up on sleep etc. only blooper was that baobao was in indonesia. Ok bye for now cos stomach is starting to feel queasy from playing with hp on the bus, ahahaha

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frustration

is it a self-fulfilling prophecy, a vicious cycle i perpetuate?

dun like this. reeeally dun like this. it can't continue this way... but i dunno if i can get out of it.

lots of grace.

2 video clips that cheer me up a lil. cant figure out how to make it appear here so will just leave the link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwlhxcRnEDo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH_5NSNYtoM&feature=related

i like them both so much. wish i could do them with you.

i need to learn to stick to limits. TIME LIMITS.

'I'

i miss my baobao a lot suddenly.

i've been eating far too much. just ask my new friends. i dun wanna imagine how much weight i'll gain after this semester.. bye bye to those ballroom dancing lessons with baobao... ~sobz~

i'm learning a lot in school. it's very fulfilling. very interesting experiences. things are generally good.

i have a lot to be thankful for. like my family's support and my darling baobao. :) and technology that allows me to still be in touch with my china 'kids'.

i just wish i have more time to chill/ stone/ slack/ relax/ SLEEP.

i want more time. time to wait on Him, time to exercise, time to keep in contact with people, time to do the many many things i want.

i want to go back to Yunnan. i miss them. i miss En Yi. (totally cute baby!!)

i need strength.

i need to think of a whole lot of things.

overwhelmed

1/3 into this crazily intensive 6 weeks journey, an overwhelming sense of stress suddenly/finally sinks in... today i just feel like crying and bawling like a baby. is it the hormones? ~shrugs~

help Lord.. i really need more strength and grace. dun see how else i'm gonna surevive this whole period. this entire month of july...

in class!

muahahha.. sitting btw maureen, at what has been my comon spot in class this whole week - the pillar in the middle of the room where there are power sockets! hehe. which explains why i position myself here - so i can use my laptop :P

class sharing on multiple intelligences now.. wed and fri lessons are on Creative Drama and Learning/Teachin thru the Arts. quite interesting modules. we played several games as a class, quite cool.. in general, quite cool to have all 63 pple in 1 class attending lectures by the Boston profs. quite a different style, very interactive, lots of readings to do.. everyday seems to fly by, but it's rather fulfilling, feels like how a typical uni student feels i guess haha, except that we have NO EXAMS which may not be a bad thing. i especially like how it feels like we're all a community of learners, all in this journey together.. wonder what it'll be like 2 years from now after we've been through 4 semesters together, not forgeting next june's summer exchange - 5 weeks in boston!! sudddenly, 1 year later seems to be quite soon. haha.

i was rambling, by the way =_= LOL!

the past week actually wasnt the best start it could have been, cos i really didnt manage my time well, lapsing into all the last-minuteness habits again that i REALLY wanna avoid. been... distracted, keep missing the people in China... webcam-ing a few times with them.. thinking of them etc. ah wells. more abt this another time maybe. wth pics of my handsome grown up 'lil brothers' muahahah!

sian-ness setting in

a blip in the general good mood.

at an internet cafe, and zhiguo is next to me. he's lanning. LOL. those rpg games which sporean also play.. n last night i actually went to sing ktv with him, guobao and some of their friends. it's like.. man, such ordinary things which i never would have imagined me doing with them previously.. it goes to show that young adults everywhere are generally similar.

i cant believe i am blogging from overseas. partly cos i am somewhat bored. its quite late, almost 10pm, n i think i'm not suppose to walk back to the hotel alone after dark. so i smsed josh, waiting for him to reply me. somebody next to me smoking - i HATE cigarette smoke. EeeYucks. i wonder how much pollution i've inhaled these couple of days. anyway, he's happily engaged in his game, n just told me to leave first if i'm tired so.. dun think he'll offer to walk me back today. lol. see how things change. (the appeal of lanning.. haha) ok la, nevertheless he's still been sweet in other ways. like carrying my backpack for me.. was quite surprised when he took it from me n carried it the rest of the day.

i must have been delusional to imagine that i might get more sleep here. the massive accumulated sleep debt is only mounting instead of decreasing. its making me feel sian at the though of sch starting, plus how i am NOT IN THE SAME CLASS AS JOJO AND CARISSA!!! wanna cry already... so upsetting... why oh why... sigh...

the tiredness sets in at night when josh and i usually need to discuss stuff n i become quite non-responsive and maybe even subtly grouchy at him. oops. thank God he's quite the gentleman.. haha. he has been helping to lug my luggage ard, lol. he carried so many bags pple thought i was pulling him.. heh. he looked like he was trying to be superman or something. ahahaha.

the trip's almost over... a part of me wishes i could stay for a month :( cant assess facebook here (i wonder why) so here i am blogging. wanted to tag jojo's tagboard but it's down~! wanted to whine abt God seperating us... i am devastated... and wonder how Evie is, much much better i hope. n i owe sherlene $$$. and and and and lots of other things.

time is flying by, but i'm not ready for it to move on yet....

一生有你

waiting for my files to be backed up in my new portable hdd... hahaha... i am going to get another hdd, those big bulky ones that can store all my gazillion things and just kept at home for.. peace of mind :) i think i'll just cry if my comp/hdds crash 1 day and all my data are gone.

yest was a cool day. finally got reunited with my creative mp3 (support spore products! haha) after i carelessly left it in sr's car.. the price of carelessness was 4 days w/o my music accompanying me on public transport :( but ok la it wasnt that that that bad. but my mp3 is really 1 of those essential things that i'll def bring out with me wherever i go, esp on overseas travels... YN, here i come! yeeha!

excited excited excited. coupled with a sense of urgency.. suddenly feel so unprepared, i wish i had more time to read up prepare testimonies so that if/when i get the chance to i can share unreservedly, w/o worrying abt my lousy language and what content.. no time no time no time! jack neo should make a film - time no enough. it seriously isnt. just look at my eye bags -_-

the excitement abt this upcoming trip has been there, but it's mounting, esp after i got to talk to my xb 'kid' (aka student).. haha who's actually a 20 year old boy, actually only 4 years younger. suddenly the prospect of seeing him/them again feels more real... and i feel like scrambling to set up qq and organize a mass meet up of 25班.. hais. but hey're all over the place not all have contact no.s so.. i guess i'll leave it up to God. there're a handful of students i feel more affectionate towards.. mainly those who still wrote letters.. but i would esp wanna meet the 2 (zhi guo and jian mei) who specially came down to xy city to find jason and i on our 2007 trip.. but ok, i'm just very thankful at being reconnected with guo bao. he sms-ed me last night too! so funny la that boy.. really, reeeally wanna meet up with him.. then there's zhu ming jie，cheeky cute boy from 28班. and his adorable lil sis xiao feng.. but my fave lil kid was xiao po, and there's her older sis jian qin. are they still at xb? re-read the letters i got from them on the 2007 trip.. all so sweet.. 3 years down the road now, wonder how they are? do they still think of me/us? will they really get to come spore and find me/us one day..

一生有你 reminds me of all my 象鼻kids, as does老鼠爱大米. i miss them.

okay that aside... i had a wonderful spontaneous meet up with jacjac! at startbucks :) now she knows my new fave haunt. tho cos of its ulu-ness i doubt i'll go there frequently, just for those special days when i need time/space/privacy for myself, to breathe, smell the coffee, and reconnect with God. anyway, its so nice to be in more constant touch with her, to know whats going on with each other etc.. and haha i'm also very happy cos in some sense SHE initiated it ;) it is a big deal k, cos she always claims she's very passive... haha! my dearest friend apart from ws from jc days.. all our times tgt.. and then the rocky bits after.. but now we'r a-okay! may the friendship go from strength to strength :)

the crazyily busy week is over, but somehow still feeling like i have a lot of things i need/want to do. which includes a massive overhaul of my whole room. its so messy/disorganized, i cant stand it. yet i;ve been living in/like this for my whole life! being in child care has somehow influenced me in this i think. that, and how organized/neat ws + his family is. otherwise next time how? cham ah!

want to go sing ktv.. want to go cycling at the beach.. want a bandits outing to sentosa.. want a poly friends sleepover/saboteur get-together.. wants a make-up staycation with dotdot (havent seen/spoken to her in ages).. wants to visit rj and search for teachers and see if they remember me/us.. wants to have so6b class gathering and christian fellowship... doesnt mind going ice-skating/ horse-riding...

wants to make presents for my xb kids, my tcc kids etc etc. and belated bday cum father's day present for my awesome earthly daddy, esp since i'll be away.

ok, time to go keep track of all the things i need to get done today... focus cling, FOCUS!

realised i havent blogged in a few weeks. been too busy/sleep-deprived (what's new)/ tired to have time for anything.

it's soooo nice to have the children's nap time (1.30-3pm) free for once without having to leave the centre for some thing or other. not that i stayed in today, i went out to run errands. lol. i.e, buy food (been eating non-stop round the clock these days... a disturbing trend) and to collect my stuff from the locker. Thank God the school didnt throw them away! can heave a big sigh of relief. muahaha.

i'll be glad to have time for myself when i stop work come end of this month. somehow, all my committments are all this time period.. total clash. makes for one tired chia ling. ah wells. all the same, i WILL miss my kids.. the senior toddlers in particular. not that they wun remember me anymore when i leave, but though i'll still come by from time to time to visit, i know it won't be the same, we won't be as close anymore.. which is natural i know. sigh, ironies of life. goes to show sometimes u just cant have your cake and eat it.

they're all blissfully asleep now.. look like such serene angels. being with them makes me wonder what i was like as a 2+, 3 year old kid.. did i cry a lot? over every small matter? how articulate was i? did i snatch toys? bite people? hit others? hahaha... it's quite hilarious and actually pretty unimaginable to picture me and say... my jc classmates as 3 years old in preschool tgt. jc cos that was co-ed, like in preschool, while sec sch was single sex. so different dynamics also.

had what was probably my most successful, or rather, most satisfying lesson with this age group. 7 kids, happy face group were with me today... we did square and triangle-shaped sponge printing. it felt good :) everything went quite smoothly.. and they seem to have a much better grasp of the concept after these past couple days of shape-ish activities. i really wanna do more, make some learning corner activities for them and all but.. just lack the time and energy. what a bummer.

this weekend marks the conclusion of most of the stuff i've been preparing for/ busy with. RWinds perf during RI band concert tmr night (Chess and Selections from UP, our last prac was totally hilarious with many good laughs.. ahahaha), Ms Michelle's wedding on Sat and MayKTV, then THE graduation ceremony... hmmm. all the training sessions for the speech and all, the sacifice of my locks... i kinda wish i could invite friends to come, but i guess they're all working now and doesnt make sense for them to take leave to come. if only ws could come... silly N***. GrRrrRRRR. cause my boy to be overworked and sleep-deprived. *Roar* happy though that zhiyang and shengrong can come. a bit paiseh though asking people to come.. so if u happen to see this and dun mind wasting your mon morning on 24th, 9am-12 at ngee ann convention centre to attend my grad ceremony, let me know k? :)

k, kids are waking up... gtg. ciao! :)

irritatants

it irks me no end how half the time i cant access facebook when at home. either it has a mind of its own and is being temperamental, or... it doesnt like me. somehow.

which means, i cant upload photos as and when i want to. which is uber irritating. it means i cant put up photos of Kelly's Baby Joseph's month-old celebration with WS's CMU cell grp peeps (ah happy times!), or photos of Prom. and prom was like... almost a month ago!! GRrrrrRrR. not my fault k.. blame facebook. hurhur.

its also highly irritating how i'm perpetually sleep deprived, but somehow always end up sleeping after 12.30 am 85% of the time, cos somehow after showering and all.. i become alert and not tired. and the irritating bit is compounded by how i keep waking up waaaaay before the alarm that i set!!!!

case in point: i went to bed at 2am-ish last night, set alarm for 7am, but awoke at 530! like.. what the heck! rested in bed till 6 then decided to make better use of time.

so i am now highly sleep-deprived... i am so sleep deprived that i am tired of mentioning it. it's like.. chronic sleep deprivation. i really need the discipline to SLEEP MORE. Jesus, help me please!

had a great meet-up with dear fifididilooloo in lieu of her bday on Mon. wish i hadnt left the house in such a rush and forgotten to bring candles + lighter! fifi thus ended up with... a bday banana courtesy of funky starbucks staff at raffles city instead of a candle lit apple crumble cheesecake.

and and! it was hilarious when fifi tasted my green tea cream frap and conceded that it was actually quite decent! ahahahha... had a very entertaining time with her.. with me laughing away half the time like a hyena... muahahah... just like old times :) oh man CAN"T WAIT for weiwei to be back! it's amazing when u look back and realise that she's been away for... almost 8 years! oh myyYYYYy....

vandals are another source of irritation. people who maliciously PUNCTURE BICYCLE WHEELS should be caught and... have their fingers broken. ok ok kidding la. but u get my point.. they should be dealt with sternly... such a malicious and mean nature should NOT be allowed to go unchecked! who knows what that meanie-mo will 'upgrade' to next lor


things that crop up unexpectedly and just fill up your schedule and deprive you of free time/ chill time aka much needed rest-time also cause twinges of annoyance.. but what to do...

~shrugs~

let me just end of by saying i love my s11 girls! awesome cell group friends :) it was a great session today... was very encouraging how we all prayed tgt. May Jesus continue to continue to move in our midst and stir us up :)

"contentment with godliness is great gain"

:)

barefoot

Thank God for thick skin... on the soles of my foot, that is :P Otherwise walking home without shoes on would have been a painful experience. as it is, it was... pretty bearable. Thank God i didnt cut my feet on anything sharp, haha!

anyway, the above is basically about me walking home from kemb mrt with my shoes off. because my shoes were hurting me, the bus 42 had seemingly just left, there were no taxis in sight, and i didnt wanna wait like 25 mins to get home. so.. walking home barefooted seemed like the best option. haha :P

just came home after a cousins gathering at tiong bahru. i hope and pray that next time i'll have a house in such a good location! just next to tiong bahru mrt lor, how convenient! and so centralised too. got to see step cousins whom i havent seen in AGES, and met a 6-years-older Christian niece, was really nice chatting and getting to know each other :) am so glad i went although i wasnt too keen initially... tired. as usual. lol.

another lil splurge today... :X asked ws if he was worried about me and my spending, and he just went, "No, cos next time you wun have $$$ to spend", meaning even if i wanted to buy stuff i wouldnt have the means to do so in future cos we'd prob be a poor Christian couple if/when he goes into full-time ministry.

first service in PLMGSS today.. will take some getting used to. i hope the church stays united and people wun start "migrating" away..

all in all, a great Sunday :) just that i havent done anything to prepare for work next week... oops!

first service in a new location later! at 2 pm, which means i get to sleep in - thumbs up :D

but but but, i woke up at 7plus :( 15 mins to 11 now, and i'm feeling very tired. shall have a nap soon.. i must be getting old or something, cos i awoke with a back ache! liddat old already how?!?!

yesterday was one of the most relaxing and holiday-ish days ever since the diploma ended in mid feb. went to sentosa with baobao and his navy friends! been a long while since i went there.. going to sentosa and the beach brings to mind rj bandits, the few times we had outings there.. i wonder if we'll ever have another one? we're all so.. dispersed now, and it's sad how perhaps some are.. less uncomfortable with others. evolved relationships means a certain awakwardness? ah wells.

i hope to go to the beach at sentosa with baobao more often! and maybe learn how to play volleyball.. one of the international officers asked me what sports i do, and .. so embarrassing to reply actually nothing! i'm so bad at everything, need lots of practise and learning.. i guess at least i can say i am open to sports! have been wanting to learn tennis for a while.. but.. nobody to teach me. heh.

ever since i started work, i realised that the weekends are really far too short. cant rmmr who was it who was telling me if only 4-day work week was a reality. 3 days to rest and relax and recharge would be AweSoMe!! i guess what i reeeally need is more discipline to sleep more. i need to make better decisions, like doing things in advance and actively choosing to sleep earlier.

i want to go shopping! muahahaha. and i want to go sing k. hopefully with jacjac? if she manages to organise something next week.

my room's looking messy again. time for a clean-up... and time to start on the wardrobe overhaul.

weekend!

i'm so glad the week's over! i'm so glad today is over. and that it's time to sleep without worrying about anything, though really, as usual its all my last minute fault AGAIN.

what would i do without my dad... who sent me to school today so i wouldnt be late for my 7.30am shift, and who helped me to deliver the application to the building (cos technically the dateline was yesterday)

it appears... that my last minute nature is getting WORSE. seriously need to do something about it, or i'll be so dead in wheelock.

anyway, it's awesome to reach home at 6+pm! which only happens when u get to work early shift. heh. and i'm thankful there the ST class had only 6 children yest and today... a comfortable number to handle... although it is a lil sad to not have seen lil N the whole week - his mum said he fell sick after eating a piece of popcorn chicken which he found in the car which prob had been there for goodness-knows-how-long

next week, will be with F in the youngest class! it's quite happifying to be around the young ones...

i need to sleep more i need to sleep more i need to sleep more.

an unexpected piece of news today... will be praying for Aunt Agnes and her family.

cell group on tues at shuling's house. it's so encouraging to see annie share so openly as she led us in worship. a timely reminder indeed.

good night world!

cranky fb

my fb account has moods... sometimes it gets cranky and refuses to let me in :X feel dao for not replying the well-wishes there, heh.

stupid stomach's been feeling uncomfortable... thought it was just cramps at first, but maybe it's stomach flu and a lil bit of diarrhoea. i HATE diarrhoea. never used to get it till... late last year. its... horrid not being able to control your bowels.

i realise... i need a lot more experience teaching the children. as it is, i think i'm more involved in helped with routine care and all. so conducting activities with them reminds me of what it means to be patient.

yest, b4 reading a book to 2 girls, my neck was feeling very hot and irritable. so i was scratching and all. to my amusement, 1 girl told me, "Ms Chia Ling, don't scratch, or it will become more itchy" .... LOL i was highly amused.. thought of all the friends who used to 'nag' me not to scratch too, haha!

i really need to do something about this last minute habit of mine. tooooo last minute for comfort. sigh.

excited about going china in june! hopefully can go earlier with my cousins.. which would mean 2 weeks there :D that would make up for th disappointment of perth/melb in march. hee. i wonder if... there's any way i can contact my fave XB kids? hopefully God will engineer a meeting with them.. perhaps will bump into them while walking along the streets. heh.

dunno why i've been waking up at 5+ 6+am these days... want/NEED to sleep more. very tired. just... hanging on.

off the roller coaster ride

today is one of the rare days that my hk serials hold no appeal... just bumming ard catching up on friends' lives browsing thru their pics on facebook. heh.

hais. its been an eventful week.. i glad its the weekend. really need a break. nowadays, the weekends feel much too short... i love the kids at TCC, but working (almost) office hours mon-fri is tiring. i can only imagine how the perm staff feel.. take my hat off to them. they have so much more to do, and so much more unplanned responsibilities to take on. still, it's part of life and our learning journey... i just wish i had more time to sleep. which is prob solely my own fault. who ask me to go out jalan jalan myself when i was bored to tears somehow shopping alone today? and who ask me to stay up late tonight? but not sleepy yet... soon, i think. i can feel the sleep bug coming on.

been rather grouchy at times the past couple of days. stresses.. disorientation.. and tiredness. wed was crazy... last min, unplanned, unexpected stuff.. i dunno what to expect tmr.. i just hope nothing came out the wrong way! and thur... woah... i never thought i would experience such a moment when i decided to come to np back then... grateful for the opportunities to learn, mature and improve.. and appreciative of the efforts they put in. i hope they're not disappointed by the outcome.. anyhow, its been an eye-opening roller coaster ride within 3 days. whew!

i should... fix my eyes upon the things that really matter once again. and to gear up for Yunnan in June! wheeee~ :)

Thank you God for your favour, blessings and the support of loved ones :)

Where, O death, is your victory?

it's 4 am :X sigh.. interrupted sleep tonight means more of a sleep debt to repay, and possible a zombie me at work tmr. then again, as Dot says, the kids will perk me up... they are soOoOoooO adorable :D

And so the long ('holy') weekend has come and gone by..technically speaking, Good Friday and Resurrection (Easter) Sunday should be THE most significant days of a year for us Christians... the day that Jesus willingly died for All Mankind (read: YOU/me), so that our sins are forgiven us, and we can have a relationship with God again... and then the day that Jesus rose from the dead and conquered death. which justifies our faith:

And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith.
- 1 Corinthians 15:14

i think i'm ready for water baptism this year... :) i know my relationship with God is like.. 忽冷忽热... inconsistent.. unsteady.. more often than not i'm drifting away.. so not the exemplary Christian's lifestyle.. but as th lyrics go,

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

still learning, to love Him more, fear Him more, pray more, glorify Him in all i do, trust Him more, and to have my identity firmly grounded in Him. So help me, Lord.
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it's been an eventful 1 week.. 1st children's play, 3rd Prom, hanging out with cell group friends, lunch and shopping with Dot,, and having to MUG NEWSPAPERS. feels like i am mugging for GP again... lol. it's nice to read the papers actually, to get in touch with good English, and see different perspectives, catch up with recent happenings/issues... but it's very time-consuming. i only JUST started through 1 whole pile. :X

1st Genting trip!

back from Genting...

1st trip there, and it was AwEsOmE!! great company, great time... highly entertatining and fun bunch of people, and just the getaway i needed. (longer would have been nicer of cos, but i guess sometimes u just need to learn to be contented with whatever u get) :D

Thanks are due! to my wonderful big bro. it's been a looooOng time (too long for my liking!) that he's brought me on a trip. i love tagging along on his escapades. haha! dun have to plan/worry abt anything, just go along with the ride and enjoy :) he pays the expenses for me too ;) hopefully there'll be more of such trips to come... :)

got to know estella better, never really talked to her in rj band previously. she's really nice, and very easy to talk to and comfortable to be with :)

got to know Mrs Lee Soon Bee's nephew!! how small is the world man.. pretty cool :P nice guy, grateful to him for the use of his laptop/internet! through him, got another wake up call abt my walk with God.. like.. sheesh i really know far too little than what i should. 1 step at a time.. let's stick to the daily quiet time and 1 book every 2 months for now..

only drawback was the sleep deprivation. fri night on the bus, barely slept, and very interrupted sleep. maybe like 3-4 hours? then sat night... hahah.. slept from 6.30 till 11.15am... attempted to rest/sleep on the bus back (super long journey from 3pm till 10pm...:X) sp that when i get home, can work on that... thing. makes me kinda wish they had chosen someone else to talk.. DuN LIkE being high profile.

so... it's gonna be a long night ahead. Thank God for the good short break, the fun and laughter, and the safe journey home.. now to commit the rest of the night into His hands... :)

of breaks and holidays..

who could have predicted that when i applied for 2 weeks leave then, the actual 2 weeks break would turn out so differently from planned/intended?

firstly, the 2 weeks was meant for overseas holiday.. in perth and melbourne. Aus trip put on hold cos Grandma just went for operation (at the grand age of 89...) to remove 1 big 2 small tumours, now comfirmed to be malignant. the most irritating thing is... now after the op, we're all like clueless as to what next... because we have no way of knowing if the cancer cells have spread, how long more etc (what a morbid thought..) so aside from the increased urgency of sharing the Gospel with Grandma, we're just taking it slow, and praying for as painless a recovery as possible...

Well, back to the topic of how plans change - i have no complains la. first week was spent mostly with shuen :) i'm glad for the quality time we had together... and wells.. a bit sad that it was prob my last sleepovers there since they're gonna sell the house. oh yes, a highlight was the 4 of us meeting up! our 'clique-less people clique'.... lol... entertaining to watch shuen and cheryl 'flirt', though i was so darn tired that night. haha.

and of cos, the finger-lickin good michelin standard dinners cooked by Ah Kor! Shu's aunt :) 1 a very sinful gong bak bao (i ate ALL the fats k... haha) and another healthy popiah session. YUM!

then there was shopping with dot on sat... oh man.. hahahaha 2 aunties lugging stuff around singapore...

oh and, clique outing on thurs.. but jojo didnt come :( SAD! watched The Lovely Bones, made me wanna re-read the book... oh and many thanks to 2 lovely girls for helping me with my prom shopping... u know who u are! :P

a relaxing and heart warming Sunday spent with my baobao after church, our first prayer and fasting session, and C.E.T class. silly LENAS... of all times to have their internet fail, it had to be then! GRRRRRR. Thank God for M.O.F upstairs.. tho we wasted precious time and $ and caused much frustration to baobao... (i wonder tho, if i hadnt tried to find another location, what would he have done? heh)

and this week... its already thurs!!! time FLIES man. been slacking at home with occasional outings. and also, all the Prom stuff to settle, of cos. quite exciting. tho unfortunately, my last min nature shows again... haha...

wanna give thanks to Jesus for my results :) this whole 3-year journey... would never have made it through without Him, and lots of support and encouragement from beloved folks of s8 and s11!

a lil ambivalent about upcoming tasks.. may God's name be glorified through me, come what may :)

met my baobao and his navy friends for dinner at Tamp Mall last night.. what a jovial bunch! that darren... wah... so 'irritating' now they all know how loud i can be... whooops!

re-connected with Xin xin too... so so nice playing with her on tues! she's SUCH a darling... so precocious.. so obedient... so adorable... so sweet... so well-behaved and well-mannered... no wonder jing min said "if only she was ours....".... muahahhaa! looking forward to seeing her more often... hopefully later today! :)

dinner at pastamania on tues with the girls... walked from PS to Bugis for mango dessert with Shuling! oh man... walked there with all the barang i had, darn heavy... lol. good exercise though. haha. and yummy desserts at 记得吃！will definitely go back for more... so many more flavours to try :)

alright, i'm STARVING. lunch time for me!

need /want to sleep more!

munching on my meatball marinara subway now... lol. children's nap time ending soon, sobs! but, HURRAY cos holidays start next week! at least, i finally get to relax for a while... seriously need to sleep more and just slack and exercise.. now no time for anything!

going to sgh later to visit grandma.. must really pray hard for a speedy recovery with no complications for her.. so sad la, 89 years old liao, then still got to go for operation... no joke man.

it's been very entertaining and enriching working at TCC. subtly picking up skills here and there... and getting 'bullied' occasionally by the kids. haha. but i am most certainly very happy here.. :) (except that the sleep debt has caused me to sometimes feel sian in the morning, but usually once i get here and see the kids i get all perked up)

i wonder when the writing test results will come out? if i can get exemption, then the chances of me going M trip are higher... :) put it this way, if i have the writing course to go for, i definitely cant go M trip. on the same subject of overseas hols, my Aussie trip is on hold.. and church camp at sunway lagoon (!!!) clashes with start of school :X DARN SAD!!! i wanna pon school to go... heh... oops

wells Thank God i have my staycation with bf to look forward to. tho its partly due to that making me sleep deprived - been staying up till 12+ to search for the best bargain. finally found one that i am quite pleased with... just keeping my fingers crossed that it will indeed be good :)

dot has signed up for theory test liaos.. i should too, asap. next mon ba!

and there's this weird interview for i-dunno-what with HMS on fri... ~shrugs~ i just wish we knew what it's for

been quite a nice couple of weeks tho, i meet up with my baobao regularly, watched like 3 movies (if u know me well enough u should know i typically DON"T watch movies at the cinema... haha), ate at nice places, met people whom i rarely see! aka 'shifu's' parents (i guess calling her shifu is just more reminiscent of old times), Mrs Lee, Aunt Mary... :) very interesting visits.

oh and, shu's back!!! sleepovers next week... i hope :)

hmmm?

been getting comments from unknown pple on my blog... strange.

ANYWAY, i feel like i am perpetually sleep deprived! ah wells~ been a good week though, CNY visitations were awesome, what with my cousin Jo back from NYC and all the karaoke, hanging out with my baobao and all, and getting to see my kids at the cove regularly, i am contented and happy :)

visited eunice's parents at their new home too! they're such nice pple... had such a good time chatting with them, esp with uncle :) and this wed night, am meeting Mrs Lee for dinner! wheeee~ :)

did i mention my best friend gave me 3 presents and nonperishable flowers for belated x'mas and v day too? hehe :) thankew!

the waterbottle is pretty, but half the time i have trouble sucking water up from it... its not very eeasy to drink from, sadly

i bought a digicam yesterday!!! panaonice :) semi-impulse buy... heh... but i am quite pleased with it :) and i finally have a spare battery again. woohoo! only drawbacks as compared to canon is that its not as slim and doesnt seem to have the function where u can view photos w/p having to turn on the camera

family gathering at grandma's tonight.... and a round of ktv! i bought 6 new ktv vcds on tues, muahhaha.

cheap flights cheap flights i need cheap flights.. perth to melb and melb to spore. and i need my best friend's dad to consent to letting her come with me... hee :)

slight emoism

over the days, the tinge of disappointment with u grew into something more, so much so that i dun feel like seeing you dunno how to face you without feeling like i have to act that nothing's wrong when inside i'm questioning how can u not sense how i am feeling... maybe i was too good at putting up a front.

dilemma

after overcoming my addicting to HK dramas online somewhat, now i have another one to battle.. somehow started to shop online and getting tempted by the clothes.. its really impressive how convenient they make shopping by listing out all the details of the various clothes so though u cant try them on, at least u get a pretty good idea of what to expect...

check out these 2 lovely blouses from the website below.. totally gorgeous, and reasonably priced too! but, having already purchased other items from another blogshop, i shall resist the temptation to buy them. for now. LOL

http://www.lovelyspree.com/category/586_2/Blouse.html

the tummy feels funny... :(

i'm glad i decided to stay home and rest today after all. though it means i forgo the CNY celebration at The Cove... ah wells. still havent been sleeping yet or getting enough uninterrupted sleep.

in the midst of all these though, there's lots of exciting news! like how 干娘 is pregnant with twins!!! how COOL is that man...

then, there's the increasing likelihood of PROM at Meritus Mandarin, woohoooo~!! :D

and tonight's S8 + S11 Reunion Dinner at the Korean BBQ buffet that i've been dying to try out since forever... though my funny tummy means i wun be able to get maximum bang for my buck as i always strive towards at buffets, it also means i wun overeat :)

and my favourite cousin will be back from NYC to spend CNY in spore!!! first time in 10 years ok. i never dreamt that this day would come... :) super exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and and and. my first V Day celebration in person with the most wonderful guy ever.... *blush*

in the meantime, there's the spring cleaning to tackle. time to go help out... :P

Monday Blues?

felt a tad abandoned and a tinge of disappointment..

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diarrhoea is no fun at all.

but anyway, at least today was spent meaningfully with my mama :) and my cbbbbbb.... *giggles*

sad that i'll be missing the CNY celebration at The Cove tmr, but ah wells, i really need to rest.

miss the kids though. wonder if they miss me?

and somewhere else far far far away, a little boy is turning 1 year old today....

Blessed Birthday Nahum! :) i can't wait to see you in June :)

falling sick once in a while can be a blessing...

it's highly strange that i dun feel the least bit sleepy now considering i have fever, took med an hour ago, and only slept from 9-12am then 6-730am last night and this morning respectively. that means 4.5 hours of sleep.... waaaaaay too leetle

but i really cant fall asleep now! is it the fever keeping me awake? that would explain why i was awake from 12-6 and used the time to upload photos, pack my room and listen to Ps Naomi's sermons... 2 of them (good stuff!). and repeatedly too.

8.38am now. service at 1030. who knows, my temp may have gone down by then... cant help feeling a tinge of pride at how clever i am for applying what was supposed to be a cool gel eye mask thingy for relaxing to my forehead instead. then when it gets warm, i just make it cold again by soaking it briefly in a container of ice water. haha. so much more mess-free than a towel with ice cubes.. at least i wun get wet as the towel leaks water.

had a nice chat with oct this morn too... ironic how we're talking much more now that she's overseas and the time diff means we chat at weird hours. it's nice though :) alwas had a soft spot for that gal.. (else i woulddnt have gotten so agitated and busybody-ish when i perceived that *ahem* was bullying her then. whether the perception was right or wrong is another story and one which i still aint sure about. heh)

ANYWAY, oct said that xh's gonna visit her in uk during the easter period!!!! ahhhhhhhh... i tempted to go tooo... i wonder if i'll actually end up going anywhere at all after being swamped with all the possibilities now. that would be a total dampener. i want i want...... (oh no i sound like dotdot whining.... *sniggers* no offense k girl? u know i love you!)

one problem with me is that i want too many things. whoever reads this, please pray for me that i wun be such a materialistic person and want so many things and spend so much $$$....

ok, mom and pop have gone to the market. i shall go wrap flowers :)

check this out and support if you can, alright?? >>> http://proclaim.giving.officelive.com/default.aspx

it's strange how we like to address people whom we know may not even see this on this little space we call our own (aka blog)

but yes... reading what you wrote, i have a better idea of what u go through, who you are from the thoughts you share and the way you express yourself. what i feel towards you is a whole mish-mash of both positive and negative emotions, though i seriously think that the feeling's not future cos from what i gather there's prob mostly negative on your part towards me. which i can understand if all you've ever done was to misunderstand me. so ya.

as i told *them*, ultimately whether or not you regard me as a friend doesn't matter and is no loss to me anymore.. and i guess u may think/feel the same way. But believe it or not, i sincerely wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart and hope that God will help you see and address your weaknesses, just as He is working on me..

i just feel vindicated that *they* as bystanders can see that you view me through tinted glasses.

at the end of the day, as people always say, you can't expect the whole world to love you. i dun need to be liked by everyone, i just want to be appreciated, accepted and loved for whom i am by the people i value and treasure despite all my flaws. for i am only human.

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yet another happy day. most rewarding and infintely satisfying to see all my belove Cove kids again... BOY have i missed them... :) and so concludes the first day of work.

Considering how i only slept 3+ hours on Sunday rushing out the IEP report for submission on Monday, i should sleep like at least 9 hours yesterday to make up for it... horrors of horros=rs tho, its thus highly strange that i awoke at 6+am this morning (slept close to 11pm) feeling fully awake... at least for now... haha.

does that mean i'll be very tired later? Hmmm. ah wells.

how appropriate that the last assignment of my diploma days will be concluded with a stayover at dot's house to chiong it tgt...

am i really going for physical fitness test the next day though after handing in THE LAST ASSIGNMENT?

if i'm sleep-deprived, i'll feel like a walking zombie....

On a happier note (and busier one too), work starts this thurs, 1 day after the end of assignments. haha. will be seeing my beloved Cove kids on a regular basis soooooonnnnn... :)

today turned out to be an unexpectedly happy and fulfilling day...

started off as a sleep-deprived zombie editing the IEP report at 6+am... edit edit then write own reflection then more editing before finally finishing all the editing ard 11am, which ironically was the originally stated dateline. lol.

took my time to get ready to go school to hand in peer evaluation form, as my part of editing was complete though the rest were fighting against time to print print print then bind and SUBMIT!! everything fell into place, thank God for His grace, cos Iryanti was nice enough to wait in HMS office till 2pm giving us sufficient time to tie up all the loose ends. ~beams~

managed to squeeze out time to visit my beloved Cove kids... i am biased but i just adore the 2+ and 3+ year olds.. somehow younger children just have this special appeal to me. and the 3+ year olds, as my first proper batch of kids will always have a special place in my heart :) just sitting them and patting them to sleep during their nap time also nice... little things like their individual unique smiles, how some of them scrunch up their eyes and squeeze them tight when i whisper to them to close their eyes and go to bed, how KY who was originally soundly asleep suddenly got up, flung off the blanket (which i had covered her with, oops! apparently, it was too warm. haha) and then settled down to bed again just warms my heart.. speaking of warm, i was also like "oops" when Ms M told me that the other time when i helped N put on his jacket before nap, he woke up suddenly crying cos it was too warm. uh oh... hahaha.. looks like i shouldnt be too quick to assume that they'll feel cold. guess the Cove has adjusted the air-conditioning to be warmer too hehe!

then, i convinced my OB project grp to go suntec for Astons celebratory lunch with me! :) poor them, all so tired, hungry and "seh" still got to walk walk walk so long b4 we finally enjoyed our meal... hee hee. photos up another time. anyway, that late lunch (3 pm) was super filling, and after lazing somewhat, we settled at MOF nextdoor (hurray for empty tea time cafes, 30% student discounts and MOF priviledge card! muahaha) and had the shortest YET most productive OB project meeting to date. See, satisfied people and nice environment plus good food works wonders for brain cells k.. i bet if i was in school, i'll be too sian to contribute anything. (oops.. :P) kudos to amy who as usual is the one who gets us started... many thanks gal :) great job :) oh and happy belated bday.... hahahaha... hope u enjoyed ur mini bday celebration eating brownie with melting ice cream and SABOTEUR!!!

speaking of which, i have really started the saboteur craze among the few of us ever since i intro-ed that game... yest's game was really the ultimate. i will forever rmmr how sherlene successfully conned EVERYONE into believing she's a gold-miner so much so that Evie unblocked her, only to have Sherlene bomb up a path! AND THEN, justina also declared she was a saboteur! oh MAN.... so cunning! she was the one who replaced the path that i bombed lor!!! sneaky... hahah... but really really great moves by these 2 lil darlings :) will miss them.. just glad we got to work on these last few projects tgt! :) hope we keep in touch and meet up for SaboTeuR gatherings!!! muahahha....

so, that super efficient OB meeting ended b4 5pm... couldnt believe it was so early, thus i tempted dot into shopping at cotton on with me.. lol.. and we spent an hour there on some pretty decent buys. so, quite happy too.

journeyed home, got a seat on the crowded mrt, ate some veg for dinner, read 8 days in the living room (family always complain i spend too much time cooped up in my room so was attempting to be sociable haha) and the M started making noise about the state of our living room.. think she was somewhat venting her frustrations on bro and i, tho of cos we have our flaws too. but like, er, is it our fault that the printers are placed there and that there are so many wires and plugs in the living room? nothing to do with me wor... so ya best is to keep quiet and do what she wants you to do. so, cleared some of my stuff out of the living and dining room. and then retreated to my room.

9.10pm now, should go sleep.. dear God please help me get a good night's rest and replenish my sleep debt incurred yest... and take away my eye bags too... (oops so bimbo haha).

happy :) shall blog about the things i like and would love to pamper myself with another time... hahhaha....

it's a sunny saturday afternoon and i am lazing on my bed, intermittenly editing the final report for submission on monday, with many long breaks in between spent watching "Fathers and Sons" (TVB hk drama)

gonna have lunch soon then go CNY shopping with my family :)

i guess the urgency of the LAST 2 ASSIGNMENTS of my poly life hasnt really sunk in yet that's y i am still feeling relatively relaxed as of now. haha. Or, maybe it's due to my typical 'last minute syndrome' and the fact that i have wonderful group mates who are accomodating to my working style.. and who get things moving when i slack. hee. I hope that i do pull my weight though and make up for all my sian-ness during project meetings with my last min work! :D